My thoughts
I read Derek Sivers’ book Useful, Not True recently. Great short read.
Here’s the thought I’ve got on my mind: I think this has to do with video games, stories, and reality for me.
The conception of a game system having beauty hasn’t really been that interesting to me. Really ever. It can be a novelty, and often I appreciate systems that produce meaning, but they never mean as much to me as the swelling feeling that a constructed, “contrived” work of art can produce.
Every effort I’ve ever made at creating feelings out of a system have resulted in failure. I know it’s possible to make it happen. I see examples all over the place! I’ve even gotten close before, with my tabletop systems. But why bother, when my heart always just goes straight to the source?
I’ve had a sort of academic interest in game systems and meaning up till now. It’s been my conception of what deep art means for a while. I’ve thought- “of course the game system is the pure form of meaning. It’s true!” But I’ve never really felt it the way I feel honest art in other mediums, or even the similar aspects in games themselves (for instance, the soundtrack, the feeling, the art).
In the art I make from today on, I want to just let my heart follow the easiest path back towards itself. No arbitrary restrictions, no confusion, just follow what I love!
Remember that things need not be true to be useful.
8/22/2024
It is fun to go shopping! But to buy is something else entirely.
8/21/2024
A dream is not something that will happen in the future, a dream is something which inspires you to do something right now!
Desire is a pact you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you think you want.
8/20/2024
Coming of age story is a really popular story.
It makes sense why it’s so ubiquitous. It is, in a sense, the only universal experience in life. Every single person with the capacity to understand the story knows what it is like to get older, and has some sweet, nostalgic memory for their youth.
8/18/2024
Good workmen never quarrel with their tools.
8/17/2024
One thing I’ve come to realize with RPG design is that there are really two things to design with tabletop games, usually.
For some reason, designing #1 is my favorite thing to do. I love to imagine the players’ choices when they’re faced with all these cool ideas. I think if I could just run a game where players chose their characters, I’d be in bliss.
However, it only really happens once, and then you run the game.
I wonder what the right thing is here? Should I pivot into this specialty of design and just ignore the rest of the game? Or maybe I’m focusing on the wrong things…
8/17/2024
“Romanticists rejected the social conventions of the time in favour of a moral outlook known as individualism. They argued that passion and intuition were crucial to understanding the world, and that beauty is more than merely an affair of form, but rather something that evokes a strong emotional response. With this philosophical foundation, the Romanticists elevated several key themes to which they were deeply committed: a reverence for nature and the supernatural, an idealization of the past as a nobler era, a fascination with the exotic and the mysterious, and a celebration of the heroic and the sublime.”
I have never heard of such a wonderful philosophy!
8/17/2024
I’ve come to an understanding of why I tend to dislike most metroidvanias and open world games.
At first, I thought I had just learned everything the genres have to offer. In metroidvanias, you get keys which unlock doors. They’re special keys, but you can only take that so far, right?
But that’s not really what made me feel bored with the metroidvania. Look at the good metroidvanias:
And these are some which I have generally been bored by:
What I realized is that the key difference between the two groups was not in the quality of their structure or mechanics, but in how I felt about the exploration in those games.
Animal Well is often praised for its atmosphere, and I agree with the praise. But there is only one atmosphere: creepy, unnerving, overgrown and pristine. When you go to the other side of the world in Animal Well, you encounter rooms which are roughly similar to the rooms you came from.
Meanwhile, in Hollow Knight, you go from a quiet town to a verdant forest, teeming with life, to a buzzing hive, to a cesspool of malice, to a grand, abandoned citadel, to a lonely chasm on the outskirts of civilization. Every time you get a new ability, not only can you open new paths forward, but those paths take you somewhere completely different than anywhere you have been before.
I think the effect is similar in Super Metroid, even though it is more primitive in its execution. Your mind fills in the gaps there, where a green hue and some sinking mud becomes a lush and untouched cavern, and a “submerged pirate spaceship” comes alive in the imagination in the same way about halfway through the game.
This is the case with all the metroidvanias I dislike. Ori and the Blind Forest feels great to play, and is beautiful, but you never really get excited to see the next area because, well, everything is beautiful. Everything is the same! Imagine an Ori game where you start in an utterly dark cavern, finding little pockets of light. You find strange ruins, or holds of civilization, until finally coming to the surface, where there is, at last, immaculate beauty! Wouldn’t that be exciting?
The key to exploration is variety and novelty. Opening doors with cool keys doesn’t matter if you’re already sure what’s behind it!
I wanted to also note that this is why I like certain open world games and not others! Breath of the Wild has some cool places, but a lot of what you’re doing feels like the same stuff. My favorite parts of that game are when you arrive in a really special place, like the four tribes’ towns, or encounter something really specific and interesting, like the random NPCs.
My friend James likes to refer to Zelda games as “Weirdo meeting games”, because that’s what you do - you blow open a wall somewhere and meet some weirdo! And you can judge how much I love a Zelda game primarily by how interesting, grounded, and novel the weirdos are! For reference, the list goes, in order:
Anyways, I just had this realization, and I thought I’d share. I’d like to dig more into what makes the places and encounters in good games so great, and why games have a seemingly hard time pulling off exploration which is novel and exciting.
The real insight here? Don’t follow your first instinct all the time! I thought I was just sick of the metroidvania formula, but it turned out to be far more nuanced than that.
8/13/2024
“It’s possible for the type configuration of the mind (thought and perception) to be relaxed, through meditation. When the mind does expand or relax, the thinking and perceiving faculties expand or relax, and we have a different view of reality. In fact, this is why we have artists in our culture. Artists are people whose perceiving faculties are looser, wider, more open than most people’s. Therefore they see more of reality than other people. They are able to bring that information into space-time to give the viewer a taste of nature’s eternity.”
-Rupert Spira
A few thoughts on Tabletop games and how to run them better.
2 players is ideal. 3 is an upward limit. It doesn’t matter the type of game you’re running. Things get confused beyond those limits. You can’t keep 4 players all involved in a tale for any length of time, with dynamic stories swirling around them all. 5 is nearly unthinkable!
Contrive your characters well. Always get the players together before the first session, discuss desires and dreams, and develop the characters to complete each other. Then, with this data, plot dynamics and developments early. Plotting the course doesn’t reduce the mystery of the journey, it just takes the onus of drama off of you and puts it on paper right away.
Fiction is the realm of Performance. Game is the realm of Choice! Decide first which activity you are interested in.
Give the players high quality, elegant character sheets with lots of room. Ensure it is well-designed for the type of game you are running.
Music and Notes on separate devices. Even still, look up. Don’t ever lose focus on the eyes of the players!
Communicate well-defined, clear constraints. The players must know what they are gambling at all times! Part of this is having a small set of rules, which need not be consulted or ruled upon. At most, each character should have three options in a scenario.
Be swift! Tease the pace along. Ask a lot of your players. Do not let up!
Brook no argument, foster no uncertain tone. Ensure we are here at the table for the same purpose.
Establish time outside of the game to talk with your players. It is simpler than you realize to be on the same page with everyone.
Know well the choice between the story telling game, the strategy game, the heist game, and the rest. Be clear, and if the center does not hold, be willing to follow it with precision.
Do not perform more than one experiment at a time.
Forget your plans. Do not try to perform. This is not a game for performance.
Put your faith in the players. Let their hearts be your guide.
8/1/2024
You can only cook what’s in the fridge.
But sometimes you have to throw away a couple avocados since they went bad. Sometimes you don’t even realize you had some old leftovers taking up so much space!
Keep a short list, and get the bare essentials for the dish you want. You can keep some fundamental foods around, but only the things which will never go bad.
7/30/2024
We Hartfords are good, practical folk. With a plain outlook on life and straight, narrow feelings. A folk of lost thoughts, stony earth, and a penchant for mischief.
The art, the soul of the world… It’s so far from this world, from the family. Petty, low, diminishing. The line soon sinks to nothing.
Is this life so free? Can a man set off west, and see nothing twice?
I can feel it in my blood, that magnetic pull towards the repetitive destination of that destined sort. But what is the dream, and what is destiny?
Who is a man to be? And who really decides?
And would that restore the former glory? Or is there nothing left to be saved?
7/29/2024
Tabletop role-playing games are too complicated of an activity to analyze in any meaningful way, so for the sake of discussion, I’ll provide a limited definition, and just speak to that:
A Role-playing game is an activity in which a person tries to understand another person or state of being.
Question: do the role-playing games we play actually engage with that definition?
In many obvious ways, I manage to succeed at this goal. My players play characters with intimacy, sensitivity, and empathy. We learn about things at the table. About each other, and also about the spirit of others.
But I have always felt the the role-playing game is flawed in a particular way: it is performative. In its nature, the player is always compelled towards bigger, theatrical performances, with a captive audience to listen.
Life is most often learned in silence and solitude. I don’t know if I’ve had a tenth as many beautiful thoughts with others around, or while I’m working. For insight, for empathy, a soul needs quiet.
The subtle, the inward, the real change, happens away from the table - in retrospect, in reflection. In silence.
In life, the truly deep insights and the development of the self come in the uncountable moments of solitary contemplation.
How can you design a game which has space for those aspects of the playing of role? That’s what I’d like to explore.
This is where the game can’t go. So what fills in the gap? Maybe reading, or meditation? Perhaps the game is like the last train. It can get you to the end of the tracks, to the foot of the mountain, and you make the rest of the journey on foot.
7/26/2024
When I was in college, trying to become a game developer, I often would push myself to try and do game design work. I would develop challenges to force myself to do the work I believed I should have been doing. Challenges like game jams, or “A Game a Week” challenges.
I look back now, and I wonder… to what end? All this struggle, turmoil, hope, and failure, for what? I worked hard, tried to complete each challenge, but why? Did I love it? Did I seek answers that this form could bring?
So the question is… Is this always coming from a place of need? A place of want and desire?
Is there a “Game a Week” project whose objective is not “have a bunch of games so i am not so insecure about who i am”?
And additionally - is there any place in life for doing something first, then developing enjoyment of it later?
Deep mysteries, every one.
7/25/2024
To my knowledge, for the liberated man, there is but one choice which truly matters:
Shall I be a man of desire? Or shall I be a man of satisfaction?
But this choice is an illusion. Another veil. Proof of the enclosure of the mind.
There are, in truth, no choices for the liberated mind. One path. The nature of awareness. In that, we have both satisfaction and desire, or as they are more commonly known, peace and happiness.
7/25/2024
Rupert Spira’s formulation of these things is like this:
When one realizes that they are infinite consciousness, that they are what “I Am”, and that we all share this one singular conscious awareness, there are two changes to the way we see the world. These are:
A simple, beautiful formulation. If you’re interested in more, find his podcast episode with Rupert Sheldrake. It’s a very pleasant conversation!
7/23/2024
Which is more essential to experience: knowledge of mind, or knowledge of body?
I think a lot of people tend to gravitate towards pursuing the mind, since their suffering or confusion seems to arise from the thoughts, moods, and feelings which seem to come from an unrestrained mind. However, I’ve slowly come to the understanding in life that a great many of the troubles of the mind are actually just troubles of the body, transposed by the mind in order to justify its own suffering.
Somatic knowledge is also a worthy pursuit in and of itself. To know what it feels like to run, leap, do handstands, sit quietly, eat a meal which nourishes the body, and everything in between… it’s wonderful to be alive!
7/21/2024
Perhaps the most essential portion of Krishnamurti’s thought is that one must be ready before they begin, else the subject will find nothing.
To meditate before one is ready is useless. To seek while still desiring something will never result in that which is sought.
This much is certainly true: that to be really, truly, earnest is essential if one is to find awareness. One will not find it unless they have changed their view. If one seeks, they will only seek. If one desires, they will surely lose it.
So be earnest, to the core. Do not hide, like you are doing! Then you may meditate.
6/30/2024
Krishnamurti speaks about how computers will supplant human memory in the days to come. This was in the 80s. Pretty interesting idea.
Taken literally, he isn’t completely wrong about that, but it hasn’t happened yet. So far in history, we’ve had this: for most of time, memory is all in the mind. Once we developed language, memory can be shared, communicated. Once we developed writing, memory can be documented, and recalled upon a later viewing, relaxing the requirement of time. Finally, with the advent of film and photography, the computer, and audio recording, we have many methods of very closely documenting reality. In the near future, we have seen that products in Virtual Reality will allow you to retain moments as a 3-dimensional capture and view it through a headset.
I’m typically very skeptical of technological idealism like this, and the claim Krishnamurti makes about memory “changing hands” from the mind to the computer is far-fetched, but…
I wonder what our lives will be like once we develop technology which allows one to truly experience their memories? Where does that line get crossed? And what would it be like? Would it be like a Time Machine?
6/25/2024
Krishnamurti says that to transform the world, you must transform yourself, because you are a part of the world.
In Death Note and other silly shows, it’s always about revolutionizing the world… taking it in your grasp, and reshaping it in your image.
Have any of you ever felt like doing that? It’s just so funny to me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the desire to reshape the world, even for a second in my life.
I wonder what that means.
6/23/2024
Listening to Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation.
I’ve come to realize that a lot of the feelings I have are feelings of immaturity. I’ve often looked into the natural course of human development in terms of how children are raised, but I had never identified that course in my own life.
I’m past the social development of childhood, worked through the role-model portion of adolescence… Where do I think I am now? I know they do not have good models in psychology for this, but I wonder sometimes if I could categorize it, where it would be.
Listening - that’s my guess as to what this phase is. Listening to the self and to the world. When I learn as the fundamental experience of life, then I will have grown up.
6/23/2024
Another kind of fun thing I liked in The Anxious Generation is Jonathan’s anecdote about letting his 8 year-old kid learn the subway systems in NYC. The idea is that if the kid can gain confidence early, they’re way better off in all other aspects of life.
It reminded me of one of my favorite parts of a video game - the transit system in Morrowind.
When you start, you move so slow that you want some way to zip around, so you go looking, and find the silt strider can take you around. But not everywhere on the map, only to the local spots.
You start to learn that this silt strider network can get you here, that the mages guild can warp you there, the boats can make their way around the coast, and you can use these kinds of scrolls to warp here, here, and here… You become a regular in the neighborhood; a master of the world.
There’s a shift when you start trying to make your way to the north. It’s not civilized up there, so your network doesn’t reach. You have to hoof it. This wouldn’t really be possible unless you already gained the confidence from starting the game and figuring things out yourself.
Anyways, good book. Lots of platitudes, and sort of obvious facts about modern childhood at times, but I liked it. I understand why he has to explain stuff very clearly, since parents don’t really understand a lot of stuff.
I do wish he had a more complex view of video games. Like his predecessors before him, Jonathan is unable to really bring the discussion anywhere near the truth of the matter. He brings up some good points, about how popular video games are designed like slot machines and social media sites, monetary extraction, attention colonization, etc…
I guess the trouble is that I don’t get the sense that Jonathan has had any real experience with the things, so his thoughts won’t really gain traction among my peers.
I want there to be a discussion about what video games are, but there can be no discussion between “Video Games are ruining our children” and “Video Games can help us understand the world”, just as there could be no discussion between that latter take and “Video Games are causing school shootings”. There will only ever be disagreement and willful misunderstanding.
6/23/2024
Recently, I’ve been reading on Bruce Lee, and watching his films.
I’m not too interested in the specific ideas he espouses, but he exerts a specific force which I am interested in. Bruce Lee is particularly focused on Intensity.
When he writes or speaks about intensity, it has a nebulous meaning. At once, it refers to focus, but also to dedication, obsession, and clarity of purpose.
Intensity seems to be a mode of being, a way of being singularly focused on the task at hand, to perform it to its fullest extent, and to not become distracted from it. It’s like a sort of professional seriousness you feel towards life, along with a personal desire to succeed.
It’s a nice way to package that idea up in a word. Bruce obviously embodied it in his acting and martial arts. I’d like to infuse intensity into my own life as much as possible.
The one point of contention still remaining is this part: singular focus.
I can take what is good about this, sure. Always focus completely on a conversation, never talk while doing something else. Always Focus completely when creating, practicing, or thinking. These are good practices which deepen the most important experiences of your life.
But what about broader timeframes? I like to do a few things in my weeks. I play a little piano, cook a few nice meals. I go to work as a programmer, but I spend my evenings playing frisbee, watching films, writing my thoughts down.
That could hardly be intensity in the way Bruce Lee thought of it. I suppose it’s sort of the “Hell Yeah or No” idea from Derek Sivers. Intensity in the things you care about, but cancel everything else.
The main consideration for me is to cancel a few things I do with very little intention. My life of variety might eventually be objectionable, but for now, I want to simply focus on the obvious time-wasters, and improve by degrees.
6/22/2024
Actions show you who you are, not words.
6/20/2024
Another neurotic but ultimately sort of essential question I’ve been asking myself…
Should I publish my work?
The underlying question is this: What is it for?
If the work exists to express the inexpressible, to connect with another person and show them how you feel… then you must publish your work! Without it, there is no point.
If the work is just within - as a way for you to explore some idea, or practice some technical skill… I don’t know.
I could write plenty on the nuances of this decision, but I won’t. Because I realize now that the premise is wrong.
If my art has just been within, and that’s all I desire from it, then why would I have any reason to publish it?
The question now becomes this… Is the act of keeping something within, in art or otherwise, sort of… unhygienic?
How should I put this… It’s like - you know when there’s an outcast from a group, someone who doesn’t fit in, and keeps to themselves? Most of the time, that person’s afraid. They don’t have a good reason not to hang out with the rest, they just aren’t willing to be vulnerable, to share their feelings with others, that sort of thing.
Every once in a while, there’s someone who’s actually an outcast with good reason. That’s the “person who’s outgrown their little town” or something likewise. That’s cool, I like that. But for the most part, the outcast is missing something.
I wonder if my art is like that. I can make all the claims I want about what I think it’s for, but in the Adlerian sense, maybe all those reasons are invented.
I’m free. Art can be for whatever I want it to be.
I can use art. I can use it to connect with others, to explore an idea, to conquer a fear, to show someone something interesting, to unite all the people in the world - or to divide them. And my reasoning for that can be whatever I want it to be as well.
In sum, I should make a decision about what art means to me, and be earnest about it, and stick with it.
Once again, I am reminded that it’s far too easy to forget that I’m a Free Man in Paris.
6/19/2024
Often, when I feel like making something, I start making one song a day. It’s like a restless habit, something to just do when I have a spare hour and a quick idea.
Music is easy like that. Just pick an instrument that sounds good, jot some stuff down, throw down three tracks, and you’re done. Off you go! I rarely finish the song, but I get the best part of the creation. It’s free and rich and quick (I write most of ’em in 20 minutes).
The question is… Why can’t I pull that off for games too? Kenta Cho did it.
It’s pride! It’s fear! To finish a game, to release it, it’s too much for my feeble heart. I feel like it has to be everything at once - the textbook feeling you get when you know you’re hiding from something.
So I’m going to follow the curiosity, just like in music.
6/19/2024
Sometimes, the feeling is small. It’s the same feeling, but just a little weaker than before.
I wonder if the real changes, the ones which define how a life goes, are in the little stunts and stops of day to day life, like a chokehold which you slowly tighten, until it’s realized to be unbearable a while after the whole endeavor began.
Nice thing is that you can always crash through a wall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m plenty pleased with my options. Just keeping tabs on things in my own way.
6/17/2024
The nature of art is very clearly in communication. From artist to audience, an idea or feeling is sent and received.
Quite often, I feel less than partial to either the content or the presentation of an artist’s message. For instance, a film may come along which has a sweet idea, but which bores me to tears. Or a game which has some attractive promise turns out to be nothing but hollow, vacuous manipulation at its heart. We all know this feeling.
So then, I cannot be remiss in jumping ship so swiftly from nearly everything which loses my faith. I’ll quit a film after five minutes. Most games I only make it about an hour into. Books, it all depends on the introduction. But I’ll shut a book at any time, for any reason, and never pick it up again.
I wonder if there’s some better method, but the truth is this: my time is valuable, as is my attention. Any time spent in art which does not inspire is dead time. I allocate my efforts accordingly.
6/16/2024
In Fantasy, it is often remarked that wise-ards speak in incalculable riddles. Often the layman will try and seek answers from the Oracle at Delphi, but the bizarre puzzle-like form that their response takes tends to bewilder, rather than inform.
But why? Would not some advanced intelligence possess at once both the ability to perceive the world of the beyond, as well as the ability to simplify and communicate to such lesser beings? Perhaps it should be obvious that a truly advanced being should have even more capacity for such summarization, like how the truly best professors and scientists are those who can cover the whole range of their topic, and explain it to a freshman class alongside a post-doctoral group.
I tend to imagine two possibilities.
One, that the truths known by whatever magical or heightened being are of a kind wholly alien to our native mode of understanding. If a man with intuitive knowledge of the non-directionality of time, say for example one Dr. Manhattan, tries to reason with his natural counterparts, he simply cannot fathom how he would undertake it. If Gandalf the gray has seen a thousand years, how can he explain what that is like to a mere child of forty?
The second possibility, which is also sort of explored in watchmen, is that the high-minded pursuits a learned fellow engages in tends to isolate them from the rest of humanity. So much so, that they might grow raving mad, or follow inhumane methods, or just simply look from afar at the affairs of man, with not a bit of melancholy (or malice) at their distance from their native race.
Even in small capacities, this second hypothesis seems obviously true. Once you have spent months and years working at some problem, you are an expert on it. None will be able to truly understand your new understanding, even if you communicate very carefully.
It is the nature of deep work to heighten one’s understanding. But to heighten one’s understanding is to isolate, and perhaps that should not be taken lightly.
6/15/2024
Here are some quotes I enjoyed recently.
“Desire is a contract you make with yourself to stay unhappy until you get something.”
Naval Ravikant
“Insist then, on the beauty of form and color to be obtained from the composition of the largest masses, the four or five large masses which cover your canvas. Let these above all things have fine shapes, have fine colors. Let them be as meaningful of your subject as they possibly can be. It is wonderful how much real finish can be obtained through them, how much of gesture and modeling can be obtained through their contours, what satisfactions can be obtained from their fine measures in area, color and value. Most students and most painters in fact rush over this; they are in a hurry to get on to other matters, minor matters.”
Robert Henri, The Art Spirit
“Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”
Jesus, Sermon on the Mount
“Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.”
Thomas Carlyle
6/15/2024
So much of my life has been focused on parsing down - trying to cut things into the smallest pieces.
I love that stuff. Cleaning up, you know? Destruction, in a sense. Negation. It can really make you into something else.
I see now why Proust would refer to the two forces as “Art” and “Habit.”
Art is that which revolutionizes - which either renews, reinterprets, or reveals some form of life which is good and fresh. Habit is that which entombs that which is small and dead.
Many times I have sought habit in order to banish chaos from my life. “Hell Yeah or No” - it’s a strong antidote.
But we must retain the artistic spirit, even in those habitual forms. Life is free, and we mustn’t forget that it is beautiful, and fresh, and always present in all things.
6/14/2024
I think kids really can only be seen as wonderful. They can’t fulfill your dreams, and if they do, it won’t be quite right… I suppose that it’s possible, actually, but isn’t it a little wrong?
It’s like that way of raising the kids is in opposition to wonder. It presupposes that they don’t have anything to show you. In fact, that’s all that kids have: things to show you!
6/14/2024
What is with this focus on abstract objects in anime? Examples: Utena, Bakemonogatari, etc… Just a weird visual language. It’s like some extension of the normal cinema stuff, with comic book in it. I see why it would develop this way, but it’s surprising how far abstracted they get.
Au Clair De La Luna is really just like Ponta De Areia
Pioneer Square is really a nice place. There are nice places everywhere!
The Last Spring … what a potent idea! Listen to Grieg’s song.
6/9/2024
Too much movement, transition, and routine. For us to find what is new, we must be able to focus on what is curious, free to follow paths, unbound by routine, and unbothered. Solitude.
And the other thing, which is the problem of input, is also unsolved. Find the list of good things, and enjoy! It’s like ice cream when you get your tonsils out. It’s actually good for you!
I thought a fair bit about the Earth Symphony yesterday when June’s choir sang it. The Earth as a dying entity - this is not that sad. But mankind’s inevitable end is certainly emotionally potent to me.
I’d like to put forth as much as i can to help humankind to avert the crisis so that my children can enjoy this wonderful world!
6/1/2024
You ever heard of the French Republican Calendar? Look it up.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a Gregorian at heart. But imagine the things this calendar could do for us.
12 30-day months per year. Just fill in the overtime with a few days at the end. Call that week rest week and it becomes like a sacred holiday.
Each month split into 3 10-day weeks. Sounds long, but you could do all sorts of stuff with them. You could have a day off at the beginning, middle, and end, getting the weekend wednesday effect. Plus, a week off is a big deal.
Anyways, seems like an interesting, but ultimately doomed measure.
5/30/2024
I wonder what the difference between fantasy nonsense and surrealism is.
Is it how seriously the film takes it? Maybe it has to do with whether it’s corny or not?
What does the Lady In The Radiator have to do with the cat creature in Suzume?
I don’t even know where to begin…
Maybe it’s just whether or not you, as the viewer, take it seriously.
…
Actually, I have some more thoughts on this now… Not a verdict, just had some more examples.
Haibane Renmei and Kino’s Journey present a narrative with both fantasy nonsense and surrealism. The surrealism is immediately distinct in both. You can tell right away when the switch flips from one mode to the other. I’m personally much more compelled by the surreal moments, and can barely stay awake through the fantasy.
I started to think about this since I watched Suzume, which is obviously hugely influenced by Kafka on the Shore. Suzume is like a fantasy nonsense version of that book. It suffers for it, in my view, although is probably much more palatable for it.
5/28/2024
Today was Memorial Day. I spent most of the day with my Grandma Sylvia. She’s the last grandparent I have left. We played Hearts and Bananagrams. Man, the rush you get in hearts when you decide to shoot the moon is unbeatable. Incredible design!
We went to the cemetery at Coal Creek by Lake Boren Park. The graves there were old. 1865 was the first grave, but a lot of 1880 and 1890. A lot of kids my age. 16, 20, 24. They died in the mines.
Can’t believe sometimes that that’s what life was like 150 years ago. But they walked the same paths i did, and swam in lake boren just like me.
Phlebas, the Phoenecian, a fortnight dead, and so on…
5/27/2024
Focusing more these days on clarity, organization, calm. Less work, more belief.
5/25/2024
Animal Well is the latest Super Metroid ripoff. It’s a good game.
I wonder, though… How long can we keep making the same game? We’ve done variations, polished it to perfection, and put personal spins on it.
But what is there really to learn from these games? What’s the point? Where’s the soul? What’s the feeling?
Can it all really come down to this vibe, these keys and doors, and this stringing along? Animal Well is great fun, and it’s a masterpiece, but I just don’t know if it’s the kind of thing which compels me anymore…
5/19/2024
are both contagious.
It goes both ways - spread what you want to see.
5/19/2024
You ever try sitting like this?
Incredible position of power.
5/19/2024
Ideas come, but sometimes they take some time to implement. It seems right to try to fulfill each idea completely.
But what we don’t realize is that keeping an idea around is like standing still. It jams the pipes.
The new ideas can’t enter your mind until the old ideas have concluded.
So how should we handle old ideas?
If you have old ideas, clear them out as quickly as you can! Give every one a chance, then let it go.
Most ideas are unanswered questions. “What would this be like?” “Could I make something that was like this?” Finding answers to those questions is easier than we think.
Sometimes, you can find most of an answer with a little introspection. Other times, you just can’t figure it out. That’s a deep idea you just found!
And if you let an idea go, and it was really important, then it will come back again later, when you least expect it.
In short, don’t be afraid to let ideas go, to make space for the new ones!
5/19/2024
Writer’s block seems to be mostly caused by intimidation, either self-imposed or resistance-wise. But what is really at the root? What stops a person from doing anything which they ostensibly want to do?
Pride seems likely, or fear of failure. Perhaps it’s self-criticism, or some other mechanism. But these aren’t the real culprit. Those are the manufactured justifications.
At bottom, it stems from a lack of real desire.
That thing which seems like desire? That part of you which says it wants to do something? It’s lying. Listen more carefully, and the body will tell you what it wants.
The soul will chart the course. It will find the way. Do not stop it!
In other words, if you’re in writer’s block, then stop writing!
5/18/2024
Notes from a prototype unfinished
The Wasteland. Reread the wasteland!
One character should be a priest, who commends you for your commitment, and commands you to follow the path up the hill.
A part of the game should be in a hospital waiting room
We should have gameplay which breeds uncertainty, like the player doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do in a given situation
Purgation - to purify Purgatory - suffering
Phantom vs fantasy
Maybe worth reading the divine comedy?
This work is a humbling experience. For all the work that you might do to seek your goal, there is still an infinite distance to go.
Perhaps when the player arrives at their destination, it shows that they have travelled such and such a long way, but it ends up being vast, vast leagues to go. Like they’re just a pixel at the end.
A dream. A game with intense dream sequences
Kaibe is a good inspiration too, but i really shouldn’t have too many more movie influences
David lynch made eraserhead with almost entirely art-based influences, and that works. I wonder if we can pull off the same sort of thing with games and movie influences.
Idk… the gameplay still needs to feel really good… like it’s mesmerizing in some way!
Elric of Melnibone
Boy is the world a lonely place! How quickly you feel it too.
I think i want this wasteland game to have some real life stuff. Like you should slowly accumulate noise, until it’s loud enough to hear all the time, and it sort of overpowers the music a little bit. And i want the character to sort of worry about their health, but not be able to do anything about it, like me with this medicine right now - could clot at any moment, but hopeless to stop it.
These things can be less obvious / more abstract, but they really matter to me.
Limbo is the clearest analogue we have in games. Or Little Nightmares.
I really love the premise of doing the dialogue cutscenes like the Mask Salesman in Majora’s mask. Where you do smash cuts to the guy in each animation. It also is like the scene from the Tatami Galaxy movie, where the guy is drunk and talking about stuff. Would be easy for mia to add some more animations to the rigs.
Will have to think carefully about light and shadow in godot. Put some thought into it.
5/01/2024